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|KIDUSHIN 31 - dedicated by a Talmid of Rabbi Kornfeld in Chicago. May Hashem bestow upon him and his wife Berachah in all their endeavors, and Yiddishe Nachas and joy from their dear children.|
Hashem Yisbarach knows that a person naturally honors his mother more than his father so the Torah puts the father first in the Mitzvah of Mora Av va'Em.
Hashem Yisbarach knows that a person naturally fears his father more than his mother so the Pasuk puts the mother first in the Mitzvah of Kibud Av va'Em.
When someone commit san Aveirah in seclusion is it is as if he is impinging on the feet of the Shechinah. (1)
It is forbidden to walk four Amos with an erect posture because the Pasuk states that the entire world is filled with His honor.
R. Huna Bar R. Yehoshua did not walk four Amos with an uncovered head because the Shechinah is above one's head.
Honoring a father supersedes honoring a mother because the mother is also obligated to honor the father. (2)
When the nations of the world heard the first two Dibros they said that these Mitzvos are for His honor, but when they hear the Dibur of honoring a father and a mother, they admitted to the first two Dibros. (3)
A person must honor his father to the degree of Dama Ben Nesinah who refused to wake his father even at the expense of a huge loss of money.
Someone who fulfills a Mitzvah that he is commanded to do is greater that one who fulfills a Mitzvah that he is not commanded to do.
Some people feed their father expensive poultry and they lose their share in the next world and some people works his father in a mill and he wins a share in the next world. (4)
Even if a parent throws a purse into the sea it is forbidden to embarrass him.
When R. Yosef heard the footsteps of his mother he said I must stand for the Shechinah who is coming.
R. Yochanan says that a person who never met his parents is fortunate. (5)
It is forbidden to go from Eretz Yisrael to Chutz la'Aretz.
When a person is a place that is respectful of his father any request that he makes should be made on behalf of his father. (6)
Parents must be honored even after their death; when a son tells over a Halachah in the name of his father he shall say this is what I was taught by Abba Mori Hareini Kaparas Mishkavo. (5)
When a Chacham tells over a Halachah to his Meturgeman he shall say this is what I was taught by Abba Mori, but when the Meturgeman tells over the Halachah he shall speak out the name of the father.
A person must fear his parents; he may not stand or sit in their place, he may not contradict them nor may he take a side in their dispute.
A person must honor his father; he may not stand or sit in his place, he must give them to eat and drink, he must give them clothing to wear and escort them in and out.
A BIT MORE
1. Because the Pasuk sates that the earth is the footstool of Hashem Yisbarach and when someone commits an Aveirah in seclusion it is tantamount to saying that Hashem is not present.
2. If they are divorced the obligation of Kibud Av va'Em is equal for both of them.
3. If one must honor his father and mother because of their role is his existence certainly one must honor Hashem Yisbarach who created him and the entire world and his continued existence is dependent on Him.
4. It all depends on the attitude and respect that is expressed. If a son feeds his father expensive poultry in a disdainful and derisive manner he loses his share in the next world, but if he works him in a mill in a honorable manner and expresses respectfully the need for the father to work in the mill he wins a share in the next world
5. Because it is almost impossible to fulfill the Mitzvah of Kibud Av va'Em properly.
6. However, in a place that does not respect his father he should not request anything on behalf of his father because it will be a disgrace his father
7. A person shall only say Hareini Kaparas Mishkavo within 12 months of his father's death, after 12 months he shall say his memory shall be a blessing for Chayei Olam ha'Ba.
Dama Ben Nesinah was awarded with a Parah Adumah for honoring his father. Why was he rewarded with a Parah Adumah? The son of the Ben Yehoyada answers that the reward of a Parah Adumah was for the purpose of bringing to light the greatness of Klal Yisrael. The Mitzvah of Kibud Av is the ultimate Mitzvah Sichlit (a logical Mitzvah) while Parah Adumah is the ultimate Chok. Although Dama Ben Nesinah who was a Nochri gave up a lot of money for the Mitzvah of honoring his father, however honoring a father is a Mitzvah Sichlit and therefore it is possible even for a Nochri like Dama Ben Nesinah to reach great heights in the performance of this Mitzvah. Klal Yisrael however, is on a much greater level and they are prepared to spend a huge sum of money for the Parah Adumah even though the logic of this Mitzvah is obscured and is unknown to any man.
A person must be very careful to honor and fear his father and mother. What does it mean to fear one's parents? One shall not sit in the place that is set aside for them to sit among the elders, or the place that is set aside for them for Tefilah, or the place where they sit at the table. He shall not contradict them, nor may he state his opinion in their dispute, and it is even forbidden to say that I agree with my father. He shall not call him by name even after his death, instead he shall call him Abba Mori. If his father shares the same name as someone else he shall not call the other person by name if it is an uncommon name. To what degree does a child have to fear his parents? if the son was dressed in fine clothing and sitting at the head of the Kahal and his father or mother came and ripped his clothing and hit him on the head and spit n front of him he, should not embarrass them and instead he shall be silent and fear the King of Kings who commanded him in this Mitzvah. (Shulchan Aruch YD 240:1-3)
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