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|KESUVOS 4 (17 Shevat) - Dedicated by Mrs. Idelle Rudman in memory of Harav Reuven Moshe Rudman ben Harav Yosef Tuvia Rudman, who passed away 17 Shevat 5766, in honor of his ninth Yahrzeit.|
If the father of the Chasan or the mother of the Kalah dies, they bring the Chasan and Kalah into a room for the Bi'as Mitzvah. (1)
If the father of the Chasan or the mother of the Kalah dies, they first observe the Sheva Berachos followed by the seven days of mourning.
For the entire Sheva Berachos and seven days of mourning, the Chasan and Kalah must sleep in separate rooms. (2)
The Kalah may use cosmetics for the first 30 days after the marriage, even if she is in mourning.
They allow the Chasan and Kalah to observe the Sheva Berachos before the seven days of mourning only if the water was put in the meat and it is no longer possible to sell it. (3)
If a Kalah becomes a Nidah prior to the Bi'as Mitzvah, the Chasan and Kalah must sleep in separate rooms.
The laws of mourning do not apply on the Mo'ed, but in privacy the laws must be observed.
A Nidah may perform all types of work for her husband, with the exception of pouring a drink, making his bed, and washing his hands, face, and feet.
When a wife is in mourning, her husband may not insist that she use cosmetics. However, she may pour for him a drink, make his bed, and wash his hands, face, and feet.
When a wife is in mourning, her husband must turn over his bed and join her in mourning.
When a husband or wife is in mourning, the non-mourning spouse must observe the laws of mourning in the other's presence.
Rebbi Eliezer: The laws of Aveilus start as soon as the Mes leaves the house. Rebbi Yehoshua: They start when the grave is closed.
A BIT MORE
1. They allow the Chasan and Kalah to observe the Sheva Berachos before the seven days of mourning only if the father of the Chasan or the mother of the Kalah died, but not vice versa.
2. This is because of the possibility that they might have relations, which is forbidden even during the morning period. Even during the Sheva Berachos they are forbidden to have relations because they are obligated to observe the laws of mourning in privacy.
3. However, in a large city it is possible to sell the meat even if the water was put in the meat, and in a very small town it is not possible to sell the meat even if the water was not yet put in the meat.
ANINUS AND AVEILUS
If the father of the Chasan or the mother of the Kalah dies, they bring the Chasan and Kalah into a room for the Bi'as Mitzvah. Rashi says that the Bi'as Mitzvah must be prior to the burial, but once the burial takes place the Bi'as Mitzvah is no longer permitted. The Hagahos Ashri says that even though Aninus is Min ha'Torah and Aveilus is only mid'Rabanan, the Chachamim were more lenient regarding the Aninus and allowed the Bi'as Mitzvah to take place. The Rashba says that Rashi maintains that even the first day of Aveilus is mid'Rabanan because if it would be mid'Oraisa, we would not allow the Sheva Berachos to supersede the Aveilus if the first day.
A KALAH WHO IS AN AVEILAH
A woman may not use cosmetics during her period of mourning, because using cosmetics is tantamount to washing. A married woman is forbidden from using cosmetics only during the seven days of mourning, but after the seven days of mourning she is permitted to use cosmetics so that she not be repulsive to her husband. A Kalah who became an Aveilah is permitted to use cosmetics even during the first seven days. (Shulchan Aruch YD 381:6)
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